I’ve always thought that I was one bout of botulism away from my ideal weight. I now know that I’m one-half of a bout of botulism away. I feel certain my recent stomach woes came from a can of tuna salad. You know – the kind that’s already mixed together with mayo and junk so Read More
One day in 7th grade religion class, Elle started passing around a note. Every girl who read it dissolved into giggles then passed it on. When the note came to me, I opened it up. It said: Did Joseph fuck Mary or did God fuck Mary? I dissolved into giggles and handed the note to Read More
Writing about my teen/young adult partying exploits resulted in some significant inward groaning, but it was pretty effortless. Lots of people have similar stories to tell, though not everyone can talk about launching the African Queen from its floating berth at the 1984 World Fair in New Orleans. It’s much harder to write about how Read More
About the drinking. Part I I entered high school in 1977. Across the nation it was a time of bell-bottoms and tie-dye. At my Uptown New Orleans private school, it was the age of the preppy. The cool girls wore LaCoste shirts and straight leg corduroy pants. The cool boys wore the same thing. One Read More
Husband and I had a date last night, and we were walking to a restaurant near the beach when a gaggle of drunk young women spilled out of a poolside bar into the parking lot. One of them yelled, “Hey, look at this!” and she pulled down her white bikini bottom and lifted up her Read More
“Do you work?” the woman asked me. “Yeah,” I said. “I work in the laundry room.” She gave me her best patronizing smile, and clarified her question. “Do you have a job?” Feeling generous, I threw her a slow-moving softball. “I’m a writer.” “Really? What do you write?” Zing! Outta the park! I wanted to Read More
Two years ago this month, I was living in an apartment in a nice section of Guatemala City. It was a cute little spot, not far from the main avenida, with several little restaurants and shopping areas nearby. It was very safe. It was extra safe, in fact, because the International Olympic Committee was holding Read More
During the Pterodactyl’s third year, I took him to the pediatrician with some alarming symptoms. His temper tantrums had come to resemble volcanic explosions, complete with rumbling and the spewing of liquid. He was completely unreasonable and occasionally downright mean (not unlike how he is now, in fact, at age 4). And his little voice Read More
I haven’t written anything in several days. I’m sure the two or three of you keeping track assume I’m occasionally too busy being a domestic goddess to keep up with my blog. But that’s not it. The truth is that the prescription for my happy pills ran out a week ago, and my primary care Read More
I am a big believer in “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” It makes a lot of sense to me on many levels, none of which have anything to do with gays in the military. Well, maybe it has a little to do with gays in the military. I believe homosexuals and heterosexuals have the same inalienable Read More
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