During a recent dinner, the Diva was prattling on about how her teacher has been asking for parents to volunteer in the classroom. “So I told her you guys could do it,” she said, “since neither of you have jobs.” Husband and I looked at each other. “Honey,” I said. “Your dad is a firefighter.” Read More
On the way home from the gym yesterday, the Tyrant yelled from the back of the van, “Mom! Open it!” I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw she was holding a bag of potato chips. “Mommy’s driving, sweetie,” I said. “I’ll open it when—” THWACK. The bag of chips beaned me in the side Read More
10 — number of inadvisable food products I’ve consumed today: potato chips, Cheetos, raw brownie batter, Nerds, blue Icee, Mandarin oranges in light syrup, handfuls of Special K with dehydrated red berries, cooked brownies, children’s GummiBear vitamins, and sour IceBreakers.Discussion: We’re housebound. The Diva still has a fever, Husband is working, so I’m stuck at Read More
I’m on the mend. The Diva has a fever of 101, headache and a tummy ache, though she claims to have a tummy ache 97 percent of time anyway so it’s hard to tell if that’s a symptom of anything. At the doctor’s office, she tested negative for the flu, though due to last night’s Read More
It started with a few aches and pains. I thought I was feeling sore from carrying two children a half-mile back from the beach the previous day. (Impressive, yes?) Day two, I felt a little lethargic. So I gave myself a blast of energy with a high-powered weightlifting session. That was a mistake. By noon, Read More
On a recent rainy Sunday, Husband was working and the rest of us decided to have a Movie Morning. A Movie Morning is when Mommy can’t think of anything Mother-of-the-Yearish to do, so she decides to bond with the children via the Disney Channel, which requires more effort than you might think. The movie playing Read More
Do you think men are really from Mars? Because sometimes it seems like they’re from that other planet. You know. Uranus. What I mean is that…..well, they’re a mixed bag. Take Hot Firefighter Husband, for example. Once, just after we had started…..um….dating…….yeah, that’s it, we were dating……he let himself into my apartment when he knew Read More
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