I’m a reasonably smart girl. I scored well on the SATs, or at least I scored well when I hadn’t gone to a party the night before and consumed a lot of Jungle Juice Punch made with grain alcohol and served out of a garbage can. I graduated from college. I’ve held jobs. I understand Read More
Okay, that post a few days ago about my life being ideal? I take it back. Idealism is for idealists. An idealist is defined as someone guided more by ideals than by practical considerations. So I am not a idealist. For example, within hours of my optimistic assertion that despite the chaos, my life is Read More
Yesterday afternoon I was careening down the highway while talking on the cell phone, the kids were in the backseat watching SpongeBob Squarepants, and we were headed to Chik-fil-A for dinner. When we arrived, I made the Tyrant put on underpants since I assumed she would be sliding in the play area, and the idea Read More
So this morning, as I’m muscling through the weekday morning routine, convincing the Tyrant to wear underwear and dragging the Pterodactyl to the car in his pajamas because he won’t get dressed, a sex maniac was passing by in a limousine. People Magazine was there to record the moment. I live in the Sawgrass Players Read More
I have been busy drinking Bloody Marys, yelling at men wearing sequined masks, dancing on ladders, protecting my children from cheap junk being thrown at their faces, and looking for places to pee. That’s right. I’ve been in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras is French for Fat Tuesday, and it represents the last Read More
It’s my duty to inform you that there are actually two sides to every story in my humble household, possibly five sides, and in that spirit I’ve decided to occasionally allow Hot Firefighter Husband to have a blog voice. He fears he is becoming a caricature due to my frequent yet deadly accurate portrayal of Read More
If Hot Firefighter Husband had called from work the other day and asked, “What’re you up to?” I would have said, “Well, I’m rewashing the dishes you stacked in the dishwasher without rinsing last night and which are subsequently caked with very clean rock-hard particles of food.” But he didn’t call, probably because he was Read More
I have some incredible news. This morning I peeled a clementine, and the peeling came off in the shape of a Fleur de Lis! And a clementine, as you know, is orange, which is very close to the color gold, and only 35 calories if you’re looking for a healthy snack. Then I turned the Read More
On one of the 40,000 trips to Guatemala City that I took while waiting for an underpaid clerk to sign a piece of paper saying I could bring my daughter home, I popped into a pharmacy to buy some formula. On the way out, I spotted a curly-furred brown Teddy Bear with a plaid ribbon Read More
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