There’s a video sweeping You Tube from the Ukrainian version of America’s Got Talent. In the clip, a woman stands before a pallet of sand and shapes it into a variety of images that tell the story of World War II. It’s called sand animation. I know, I know, right? It’s bad enough that the Read More
It was difficult for me to move to Ponte Vedra, a beachside suburb of Jacksonville, Florida with an average household income of $100,000. It’s very Southern. I’m not skinny or blond or rich or Republican. I worried I would find myself sliding into a mold, stretching and morphing to fill it out until I began Read More
Me: C’mon, baby. Get out of the car. We’re home. Tyrant: I not a baby. I a princess. Me: Sorry. C’mon, princess. Tyrant: We not going home. Me: You’re right. We’re not home. This is your castle. Tyrant: (Gasp!) Oh, my castle! Me: Isn’t it beautiful? Tyrant: Yes! It’s so beautiful! I got it at Read More
As a mother of three, I’m frequently asked for advice on various issues or problems related to parenthood. Okay, that’s not true. The truth is that I’m a bit of a know-it-all, and tend to spew advice into any auditory instrument that appears to be in working order. BFF kindly describes me as “a problem Read More
The Pterodactyl wants to see a picture of his birth mother, and I don’t want to show it to him. Now that he’s five, he thinks he has all sorts of rights. He forages through the pantry right before dinner and begins late-night projects involving tape and dental floss. You know what we do about Read More
Last night I checked on the children one last time before bed, and turned out the bathroom light. WHEEROOOWHEEROOOWHEEROOO!!!, said the bathroom. I turned the light back on. Silence. I turned the light off. WHEEROOOWHEEROOOWHEEROOO!!! I turned the light on. Silence. Deciding it was a smoke alarm issue, I summoned Hot Firefighter Husband out of Read More
This morning, the children woke up happily at 7 am and enjoyed a healthy breakfast of whole grain wheat toast, scrambled eggs and orange juice, then proceeded to the car in an orderly fashion to make sure that the Diva didn’t miss the school bus. BWAAHAHAHA! That has never happened. What actually happened is that Read More
The Tyrant has become so busy with life that she doesn’t have time to fulfill basic human needs. It’s not an attractive trait. Yesterday we were outside playing and the Diva fell off her bike and scratched her ankle. Obviously she needed to be carried inside, snuggled on the couch with a blanket, and made Read More
I’m just going to say it. Friday night I did shots of tequila and spent most of the next day’s valuable babysitter time lying motionless in bed. I had to skip my planned yoga date with Kay because a) it would have been bad form to puke in yoga class and b) Kay did tequila Read More
As you know, last weekend I struggled to help the Diva with her second grade math. That was really silly. I now understand that second grade math is an absolute joke compared to helping your son prepare for Wacky Wednesday at his preschool. The Pterodactyl initially was very excited about Wacky Wednesday. “I’m going to Read More
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