We took the hooligans to see the new Shrek yesterday, and I must say that Shrek’s ogreness pales in comparison to mine. His face is a bit greener than mine, and his teeth are bad, but I could scream him under a table in three seconds flat. I screamed my son under the table at Read More
Today I’m going to introduce a new feature called, “WTF!” in which I post a photo or scenario that I’d like you to analyze. WTF is short for: What The Fuck Makes You Think This Is Okay? The photograph posted below represents a scene I encountered upon walking into my kitchen a couple of days Read More
Last week I attended a meeting with the director of social and digital communications for GM. As in General Motors. Why was I invited to a meeting with a GM muckity muck? Because I am a BLOGGER, that’s why! I keep trying to tell you people that this is a job! Or at least a Read More
Earlier this week, I polled several hundred of my close friends to inquire whether they had any questions for me. I received four replies. JayVee asked whether learning cursive was really necessary, Ess asked whether petroleum or battery acid is more deadly to ants, and Magnus Thejester, whose name I am using because it’s so Read More
I lost the Tyrant yesterday for three minutes, and it scared the bejeezus out of me. What is bejeezus, anyway? We were in her room playing Baby. I was the baby. She told me to go sleep, which is like a dream come true. So I sprawled out on her bed and closed my eyes. Read More
Oh, Husband. Dear Hot Firefighter Husband. I hurt his feelings. Again. Normally, I let him read my blogs before posting, particularly when I disparage him, but yesterday the timing didn’t work out that way. So all the world – or at least, all of you peeps – read about how he wrapped my Mother’s Day Read More
Mother’s Day bums me out. Because although I love all the homemade kitschy crap the kids give me, I’m always waiting for Husband to have an epiphany and realize the entire family unit plus the house would fall apart without me. Then, he would understand the need to spend an entire day showering me with Read More
My friend Sahmmy moved away six months ago, and I miss her even more than I miss bacon, which I no longer eat because I think pigs are smart. Poor pigs. But Sahmmy came to visit me yesterday! From North Carolina! And she brought her two adorable girls to play with my hooligans, and a Read More
A short time ago, a Deranged Individual put on his evildoer thinking cap and said, “I know! I’m going to make packets of colorful silicone rubber bands in a bunch of different shapes, and I’ll sell them and make a fortune, and as a bonus, it will drive parents wild and create hostile play environments Read More
The Tyrant’s obsession with the human body – and bodily functions – has expanded beyond family boundaries. Today was the Mother’s Day Tea at her preschool. I wore a sundress to look a little bit fancy. She wore a tutu, of course. As I sat at the 2-foot high table nibbling on a mini-cupcake, I Read More
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