These are my new least favorite words: Mom, I think I’m gonna throw BLURUUUUP. That boy has a sixth sense. He threw up in the kitchen and then in the hall on the way to the bathroom. Then he threw up one more time on my feet because he didn’t want to get the toilet Read More
The unexamined life, said Socrates, is not worth living. Hence, I took stock of my existence at 4:45 pm last Tuesday, and this is what I found: The Tyrant wanted me to fix her hair which was already fixed and the Pterodactyl couldn’t find his Pokemon AND DID HIS SISTER TAKE THEM? and “Mom, come Read More
BFF likes to call me a problem-solver. I get this from my father. It’s difficult to even have a phone conversation with my dad without him trying to solve a problem that may or may not exist. An example: Ring, ring. Me: Hi, Dad! Dad: Hey, darling. Listen, have you checked the tires on the Read More
A big scary woman stole part of my eyebrow yesterday, so for a while I’ll have this worried look, like I’m afraid that any minute a light fixture will fall on the kitchen counter, shatter, ruin dinner and blind me. I mean, I do usually have such thoughts, but when both my eyebrows are intact, Read More
My sister likes to say she’s always one good stomach bug away from her perfect weight. Guess what! So was I! I am at my ideal weight right now, and I will remain here until the dictates of survival mandate that I rehydrate. But for now, woo-hoo! and oh, boy!, aside from the pallid tone Read More
The New York Times runs this brilliant feature in which a beautiful trendy Person of Consequence chronicles his or her wardrobe for several days. The column I read was a journal by a woman who owns a string of upscale beauty salons, and she wrote things like, “Saturday I knew I would be on my Read More
Hello, Monday! You suck! But I’m not in jail, which is where the Pterodactyl tried to put me over the weekend. He called 911 because we made him leave a restaurant. I mean, not in the middle of dinner or anything, but afterwards, when it was time to go. He banged his head into my Read More
Excerpted from an article in American Medical News at amednews.com: “Physicians and Florida gun ownership advocates are battling over a state bill that would fine and imprison physicians who ask if their patients have guns. State Rep. Jason Brodeur, a Republican, introduced the bill, which could send doctors to jail for up to five years Read More
So the other day I’m checking out my Twitter account, which seems a little like third grade math to me. I can do it, but mostly I just stare at the information and hope the solution comes to me. On this occasion, something or other was blinking at me so I clicked on it and Read More
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