“Something stinks in here,” said Hot Firefighter Husband. He was helping me shovel the kids into the Motorized Landfill. “Really?” I said. “I don’t smell anything.” But that was Not Accurate. What I should have said was that I didn’t smell anything out of the ordinary. Yes, my eyes were watering at the malodorous combination Read More
Well, it’s Easter Eve and I don’t yet have the chocolate rabbits. I’m hoping the 24-hour pharmacy doesn’t run out of them. The children are expecting big things from the Easter Bunny. They’re not familiar with the whole Jesus Christ being crucified shebang, because Hot Firefighter Husband finds it traumatic and unnecessary. The real benefit Read More
About a year ago, I rid the house of sippy cups, because sippy cups are a pain in the butt and I longed for the day when everybody drank their beverages all civilized-like, you know? The problem with sippy cups was twofold: one, they need to be assembled and disassembled using rubber stoppers, which are Read More
The following is a guest editorial I wrote for the current edition of Folio Weekly. Consider it one in a series of occasional rants. My daughter spent the first nine months of her life in a bassinet in a Latin American orphanage. I don’t mean that she slept in the bassinet. I mean that she Read More
I’m guessing lots of you have been visiting this new “What I’m Reading” page, which has been blank for about a month now, and thinking: WADDUP WIT DAT? She’s a writer who doesn’t read anything? No, no. I read. I read a lot of nutritional information, like on the jar of the Emerald Sweet & Read More
The other day I stepped outside to check on the Tyrant, who was playing in the yard unsupervised, and I came upon this scene: And I was all, “OH, TEDDY, I KNOW IT! I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! Because this has been a bear of a week. My dog has been eating leftover beans Read More
Hot Firefighter Husband called yesterday morning from work. “Listen,” he said. “I think I left the machete laying out in the driveway. Can you pick it up?” Yeppers, I said. I’ll pick up the ax, too, which was splayed out right next to the machete. But…really, honey? Now you’re worried about safety? Let me back Read More
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