It was bath time, and I approached the tub with spine atingle, unsure of what I might find. Would last night’s soapy water still be there? Would every towel in the house be on the floor, soaked? Did the dog eat another roll of toilet paper. It was worse. So much worse. Barbie was sprawled Read More
Recently I chatted online with a woman who also has a son who occasionally Ruins Everything. She rattled on about some issues we have in common – the frustration, the depression, arguing – all stuff that sounded familiar. “At one point,” she wrote, “my husband thought I might have to be hospitalized. You know, like Read More
Suddenly our computer takes its sweet brainiac time to do anything more complicated than flicker to life, and I think it’s the children’s fault. The Pterodactyl dominates the computer when he’s home to print out pictures of Pokemon, the Tyrant watches inappropriate videos on YouTube, and the Diva organizes video production parties featuring herself as, Read More
MONDAY 10:45 am: As I open the door to the Motorized Landfill after teaching my boxing class, the smell of French fries nauseates me. Or is it chicken nuggets? 8:45 am: I lick my thumb and try to scrub off the dirt from the Tyrant’s forehead. She looks like she’s just been to Ash Wednesday Read More
“DAD!” said the Diva. “WE SPENT TWO AND A HALF HOURS AT CHIK-FIL-A YESTERDAY!” “Really!” said Hot Firefighter Husband. He looked at me. “Mom?” “What,” I said. That’s all I said. Nobody would ever stay more than 10 minutes at Chik-fil-A if not for the stupid oversized petri dish they call a play area. Kids Read More
Two months before Mother’s Day in 1999, I lay sprawled on a gurney with my butt elevated on a pillow. A doctor had just inserted five embryos into my uterus, and for at least the next 12 hours or so, I was pregnant. With quints! Several other women were similarly in limbo, our gurneys separated Read More
On a recent night, I was getting ready for bed when the Diva came in to ask me a question. The Diva doesn’t seem to sleep as much as me, and I steeled myself for one of her usual fabrications meant to prolong the evening: Mom, I have an itch on my foot. My neck Read More
SURPRISE! Did you recognize me? Hee hee! It’s the same me, only BETTER because I’ve had some work done, which is SOOOO Ponte Vedra. But I really wanted to…um…enhance some features, if you know what I mean. And now I look fabulous! Without surgery! All I needed was a mop-haired kid in sneakers who works Read More
Psst. Hey there. It’s me. I wanted this to be a big surprise for you, but I’m going to wait until tomorrow to tell you about it — because I don’t want to be talking about my blog’s rebirth and renewal while, as a nation, we’re simultaneously rejoicing at the death of Osama Bin Laden Read More
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