The Diva asked me last week for a YOU-KNOW-WHAT, and I’m all WHAT! You weigh like 50 pounds! You have nothing for the YOU-KNOW-WHAT to CUP! But I didn’t say that, of course, because this was a very tender moment in which she’s essentially asking me to help her grow up. Instead, I swallowed the Read More
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Refresher: Rafe has just declined Ronny’s offer of state park sex, and left Ronny with a sore breast instead. I sat in the van, dazed for minute, until I thought to drive to a different parking lot so Rafe couldn’t watch me from inside the store. On Read More
My mother-in-law lives on Cape Cod, which currently looks like a delicate morsel of food about to be devoured by Hurricane Irene. I called to check on her. “You know why I’m calling,” I said when she answered the phone. Because I’m from New Orleans, and hurricanes are a Big Fucking Deal to me. (YOU’RE Read More
“Come see, Mom!” calls the Tyrant. I walk to her room, where she has built an elaborate castle for Teddy using a chair, a suitcase, a purple plastic bin and a box of dog treats. “That’s great!” I say, because positive reinforcement is important. Also, I am trying not to scream, “WHO WROTE YOUR NAME Read More
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Refresher: An elderly man tripped over Ronny and Rafe as they dry-humped in the library, and Rafe took off while Ronny waited for the injured man’s wife to come. Then she masturbated in her car. When I graduated from college I had dreams of seeing the world via one Read More
The Causeway linking metropolitan New Orleans and the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain is the longest bridge in the world (see note). NOTE: It is actually the longest bridge over water in the world (see note #2). NOTE #2: It is actually the longest bridge over a continuous body of water in the world (THANKS Read More
If you are an attractive man with decent biceps, please don’t flirt with me for the foreseeable future. I’ve got sex on the brain, and I might lick you. Is this what teenage boys go through? If so, then we should supply them all with blow-up dolls. Really, how do they concentrate? I feel like Read More
Not caught up? Get reading! Chapter 1 Chapter 2 A refresher: Ronny has just been doused with hot coffee after Rafe practically taunted her to meet him again. I sat in the library parking lot for a while staring at myself in the rearview mirror. Crow’s feet were tap-dancing around the eyes, but my skin Read More
“Who do you think is the most beautiful princess?” one of the cousins asked the Tyrant. The Tyrant rolled her eyes. “Me! Du-uh!” she said. Then she hiked a mile up Vail mountain wearing her Fancy Wedge Heels. It must be nice to have that kind of self-confidence, to attack life with such ferocity even Read More
My trainer Son of Sam was a Mixed Martial Arts fighter before he broke his back and his neck and suffered a concussion that led to seizures then to brain surgery, all in separate incidents. But he’s fine. Just a little crazy in the head. Now he trains other men to have the same exhilarating Read More
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