Occasionally, the Motorized Landfill becomes unfit for human habitation. This is usually evidenced by a particular incident, such as the time a cockroach crawled out from under a seat or when we spotted a line of ants marching across the floor mat. This morning, I dropped my keys on the van floor so I could Read More
One day when I was around 8 years old, I hopped into my dad’s giant Chevrolet, which was parked in the driveway. I bounced up and down, turning the steering wheel this way and that, pretending I was cruising. Then I grabbed the gear shift and pulled it into reverse. That’s how old I am. Read More
My jaw started hurting last week, like I was waking up with earaches and complaining to Hot Firefighter Husband about 10 times a day. He was all, I know I have two broken ribs, remember? and I was all, okay, enough about the ribs already. Seriously, he can cut the grass, drink tequila, grill steak Read More
Hot Firefighter Husband has gingerly suggested that I focus more energy on being a housewife. I’ll pause for a moment while you retrieve your jaw from the floor. And now for the real shocker: I think he has a point. My suspicion is that he tired of searching through myriad laundry baskets for workout shorts, Read More
When my grandfather died after a massive brain aneurysm, I drove my grandmother home from the hospital in her little blue Taurus. “It’s for the best,” she said. Silence. “He wouldn’t want to be hooked up to machines.” Silence. “The only thing is.” Silence. “I don’t know who’s going to change my sheets now.” She Read More
Everybody has a story. I was driving to work…I had just dropped the kids off at school…I was at the grocery, and someone told me… My story isn’t particularly unique. I was at home doing my morning chores – cleaning the kitchen, folding clothes – and watching the Today show. After news of the attack, Read More
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Refresher: Ronny and Rafe have just had a volatile, steamy encounter in the bamboo maze behind the library, after which Rafe told Ronny, in a threatening tone, that she better not try to follow him again. Ronny was so busy climaxing that she Read More
Let me tell you something. If your Hot Firefighter Husband ever gets BLANKed from a BLANK, you should run quick to the nearest psychic and check to see what’s in store. Perhaps you will then be afforded some time to score some Xanax or possibly book a flight to Tripoli, where your ideas and opinions Read More
Happy Labor Day! I couldn’t write that yesterday because, duh, that would be laboring, the total antithesis of how the holiday is meant to be celebrated. I went to the beach and drank beer instead, and now I’m all bloated and feeling like I want to eat nothing but grapefruit and prunes for three days. Read More
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Refresher: Ronny went to the park where she had hoped to meet Rafe for a steamy interlude. But her husband Mark showed up instead after mistakenly assuming the invitation she had written out was for him. Mark’s hopes for a romantic lovemaking session were interrupted Read More
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