On the Halloween weekend of my high school senior year, I was scheduled to take the SATs – the college entrance exam – for the third time. Not that I was failing it – we were just trying to maximize my score, according to my mother. Anyhoo, there was this big party the night before Read More
The My Left Hook family regrets to announce the death of Bluey the Betta Fish, who may have suffocated to death in his own fecespassed away sometime over the past week or so this morning after a hellaciously dismal existence marked by dirty water, food shortages, the threat of foreign objects and occasional evaporation. long Read More
I have this friend Em. I like Em a lot because she always runs late and she yells at gently chides her kids. I thought we were, you know, compadres. Our kids are the same ages and we both like to snicker at the Mothers of the Year whose children have never tasted Cheez-Its. Which, Read More
Before dawn this morning, a 6-year-old-boy dressed as a Tootsie Roll handed me a bar of Dove soap he had wrapped up himself as a gift. Then he changed himself into a blue crayon and drew all over my face. Finally, he morphed back into the Pterodactyl and ate some syrup and butter for breakfast Read More
When we were in the process of adopting our first child, a newspaper reporter once asked me why we would opt for a foreign adoption when there are so many American children in need. The question shocked me. I was so enthralled with our Vietnamese child – as yet unmet – that the immediate answer Read More
The Diva and I went shopping yesterday as the final installment of her epic 4-day 10th birthday extravaganza. The last time we went shopping together, Hot Firefighter Husband interrupted us by calling to say he’d had an accident involving a BLANK and was in the hospital. This time he called to say he was at Read More
On December 12, 2001, I received notice that my life had changed forever. I had a daughter. She was 9,000 miles away in Bac Giang, Vietnam. The Diva had been born on this day, October 21, and was not quite two months old. Her birth name was Minh Phuong, and she was waiting for me. Read More
When the Diva was a toddler, she invented alter egos for the two of us as children’s librarians, modeled after our actual local librarians. She was Miss Lisa, the cool one with the nose ring. I was Miss Marcia, the mousy blonde who wore khakis. At first, we played library games. Then I became Miss Read More
Dear hot blonde high school girl who was in Starbucks this morning: First of all, temperatures today will only reach into the mid-70s; that flimsy halter top will definitely not keep your delicate tanned shoulders from catching a chill. Also, the sugar-laden caffeinated beverage you ordered should not take the place of a healthy breakfast Read More
One of the perks of living in a gated community is that it keeps all the crazies out. HAH! Psych. It totally locks them in. Plus, our community is somewhat unique in that it’s ginormous and includes a world famous golf course and a clubhouse with a bar and restaurant that’s open to the public. Read More
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