The Tyrant has decided she would like to be president after all. “I wanna be da fust gull president,” she says. First girl president. Okay. So I’m getting to work on changing the Constitution, since she mistakenly did not enter the world on U.S. soil. I’m also investigating which other countries might accept her candidacy. Read More
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Merri’s story continues: I felt a cold sweat in the small of my back as I walked onto Mrs. Smithfield’s wide-planked front porch. But that was nothing compared to what shocked me after Mrs. Smithfield opened the door. Read More
Did you read the first one? Here, I’ll give you a link. The GREATNESS, Part I Now you’re ready to move on. My friend and I were talking recently, and she lamented that she wasn’t doing more with her life. “I always swore I wouldn’t let myself be like my mother,” she said. “But Read More
My father always wanted to be in the Navy. He joined the ROTC in college, and went to Officers Training School after he graduated. By that time he and my mom were married, and they moved to Norfolk, Virginia, where she endured long months alone while he was at sea. Dad had always loved the Read More
Every morning at the Tyrant’s preschool, the kids have a question to answer as they walk in the room, like What do you want to be when you grow up? (mermaid) or What’s your favorite food? (Velveeta). This morning’s question: Would you like to be president? And the Tyrant’s all UH, NO-OH! DUH! BORING! But I felt my Read More
The other day after teaching a boxing class, some friends and I were walking to our cars and someone said, “I don’t know how you do it. Teach, I mean.” I turned to one of the women and said, “Drop down and do five push-ups.” Her: Huh? Me: Just do it. Do five push-ups. Her: Read More
There’s nothing like a smoothly executed Valentine’s Day to leave you unprepared for its grueling aftermath. My morning, for example, went like this: CLICK HERE FOR PARENTING HILARITY.
The history of Valentine’s Day is very murky, but naturally, the Catholics think they’ve got it right. This much is true: There was once a Roman emperor named Claudius II who thought unmarried men made better soldiers, so he banned marriage. (See? This is why dictatorship is a bad idea. Idiot.) A Catholic bishop named Read More
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Merri speaks: Paradora Smithfield had lived in her sprawling oceanfront home for as long as I could remember. People said she had been married once and had a daughter, but I Read More
For years, when people said to me – OFTEN – Oh, they grow up so fast! I responded with, Really? Because I’m not finding that. I mean, my days are usually three months long. Yesterday started with a physical altercation over a Nintendo and a stinky unbathed tear-streaked boy stomping up the bus steps, and Read More
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