The Attachment Chronicles Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. It’s a mantra running through my head, the beat to which I’m stomping across the house. It could a rap song – a suburban mom hit record. (Ludacris? Read More
My trainer Son of Sam is out of town on a much-needed vacation. I knew it was much-needed because last week he made me do 1-minute sets of 180-degree squat jumps followed by double suicide sprints across the gym. I only threw up a little bit. “Take your time,” he said. But not on the Read More
Damn Gem the Easter Dog ate four hard-boiled eggs in their shells, eight gazillion jelly beans, three wrapped Starburst, and a chocolate bunny. And she only threw up once! That’s my girl. I’m currently having a standoff with Hot Firefighter Husband to see who will clean it up. Right this very minute he is reading Read More
Reminder: the questions posed in this occasional column have been posed by actual people. Dear Savvy Sister, So the elapsed time indicator has passed 59, and the projected viable life span is about 25 +1 years. Warranty has pretty much expired on all parts. How do I keep from spending the majority of the Read More
NOTE: Please check with your doctor, therapist, life coach, Wiccan priestess or congressional representative before listening to anything I say. Did you miss Part I? Click on this BUTTON. How about Part II? Click on this BUTTON. In the short few days since my last installment, two unfortunate happenings occurred. First: an Alert Peep informed Read More
NOTE: Please check with your doctor, therapist, life coach, Wiccan priestess or congressional representative before listening to anything I say. Did you miss Part I? Don’t worry! You can read it by clicking this here button! BUTTON. You know what I hate? Cheez-Its. I really hate Cheez-Its. Little squares of color not found in nature Read More
I spent a good deal of my senior year in high school on the Atkins Diet plan. Remember that? The no-carb fad? I ate like a sumo wrestler. My best friend and I consumed bacon by the pound. No matter how much we ate, we lost a pound a day, every day. It was like Read More
My trainer Son of Sam has begun teaching me fancy boxing footwork. He may have secretly entered me into some sort of fighting tournament for aging suburban moms. I’ll do it, but I am NOT going to do that whole drop-weight thing involving laxatives and sweating. Ew. Also, I’ll be so bummed if my nose Read More
The other day after teaching a boxing class, some friends and I were walking to our cars and someone said, “I don’t know how you do it. Teach, I mean.” I turned to one of the women and said, “Drop down and do five push-ups.” Her: Huh? Me: Just do it. Do five push-ups. Her: Read More
Any exercise that has the word “Russian” in its name can’t be good. Let’s just agree on that, with insincere apologies to Vladimir Putin, who totally knows what I mean. My trainer Son of Sam and I took a two-week break from each other, and our reunion was bittersweet. Weighted squats? SURE! Bentover rows? OH-KAY! Read More
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