The children found this great new app for my iPhone. They took a short video of me, zapped it with the app, and made my head explode. SWEET! It’s not weird at all that my adorable 6-year-old thinks it’s SO HIGH-LARIOUS to blow off her own mother’s head – because she also tells me that Read More
Whew, boy, what a Friday afternoon we had. The Diva went for a playdate at a waterfront mansion and was all, Why can’t we live here? They are so lucky! I love mansions. Is this a mansion? and I was all, They have a septic tank, honey, so they have to drive past a mound Read More
I left this nest for barely 48 hours. When I returned, one remote control was broken, one was missing, the Pterodactyl was finishing off a 600-calorie bag of sour gummy worms, the Diva was sitting on the couch with a 1-lb bag of M&Ms, the children’s bathrooms had no toilet paper, the dog’s water dish Read More
Dear Hot Firefighter Husband, Eighteen years ago, we exchanged vows under the gazebo on the tennis courts of my parents’ country home. Dad had installed a ceiling fan because, in his words, “there’s nothing more unattractive than a sweating bride.” You fretted about how your hair looked; I was afraid I looked fat. We drank Read More
Do you read Part I? You really should. Click here. So yes, the Handyman reminds me of an Ex, who was also a brooding blue collar Hottie who liked Budweiser, smoked Marlboros, and had trouble sticking to one woman. Mmmm, mmm. I met him while working on the Mississippi Queen steamboat, cruising the length Read More
NOTE: Hot Firefighter Husband finally has released the Embargoed Post! And I adore him for it. In return, I’ve agreed to a handful of sexual favors. At last month’s book club meeting, we discussed E.L. James’ runaway bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey. You may recall that this was not my choice. I wanted to read Read More
“Do you publish all of your blogs?” asked a friend. “Or do you have some hidden away that I haven’t read?” Until yesterday, I posted everything. Then Hot Firefighter Husband and I had a…disagreement. So I have one sitting in the bag. This Embargoed Post was about SEX. It even included the terms fuckery, which Read More
Did you read the first one? Here, I’ll give you a link. The GREATNESS, Part I Now you’re ready to move on. My friend and I were talking recently, and she lamented that she wasn’t doing more with her life. “I always swore I wouldn’t let myself be like my mother,” she said. “But Read More
The history of Valentine’s Day is very murky, but naturally, the Catholics think they’ve got it right. This much is true: There was once a Roman emperor named Claudius II who thought unmarried men made better soldiers, so he banned marriage. (See? This is why dictatorship is a bad idea. Idiot.) A Catholic bishop named Read More
For years, when people said to me – OFTEN – Oh, they grow up so fast! I responded with, Really? Because I’m not finding that. I mean, my days are usually three months long. Yesterday started with a physical altercation over a Nintendo and a stinky unbathed tear-streaked boy stomping up the bus steps, and Read More
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