Pterodactyl

Posted on May 1, 2013 by

Overalls and updates and kissing.

I took the iPad away from the Tyrant because she had Googled “kissing.” Note: she has now seen lots of tongues up close. Yesterday, she asked to have it back, but I was still traumatized and declined her request. She used her sternest voice ever and said, “Make the right choice, Mom, so I don’t Read More

Posted on March 12, 2013 by

Let’s be clear: GLUTEN, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.

Last week we had our first follow-up appointment with the doctor who’s Changed Everything. To recap, we went to see her in lieu of setting up a juvenile defense fund for our 8-year-old son, or perhaps building him an in-law apartment. This doctor thinks the Pterodactyl has an intolerance to gluten, a protein found in Read More

Posted on February 20, 2013 by

Buddy avoids gluten in his clothes

Yesterday morning as I packed lunches, I heard a giant KERFLOFF sound. I investigated. Buddy the Wonder Dog had thrown up three entire socks, each twisted up neatly in heavy braids of bile and slobber. None of the socks matched, so now I’m three pairs down. #fuckingdogsarecolorblind Afterwards, he looked at me with his ears Read More

Posted on February 13, 2013 by

Paleo, baby! Gluten-free! Dairy-free! Damn. This better work.

We are now a gluten-free, dairy-free household. I’m going to the dark side. I already like Birkenstocks. Honest to Jesus, yesterday I was perusing real estate thinking we should buy a lot and build a tiny eco-house so we can raise our own chickens. I only mention Jesus because today is the first day of Read More

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