I rushed to Louisiana last week to be with my father, who had taken a bad turn while in the hospital being treated for injuries sustained in a terrible accident. The nights were long. I slept/didn’t sleep on the pleather couch while Dad struggled fruitlessly to find comfort from the 10 broken ribs stabbing his Read More
Whew, boy, what a Friday afternoon we had. The Diva went for a playdate at a waterfront mansion and was all, Why can’t we live here? They are so lucky! I love mansions. Is this a mansion? and I was all, They have a septic tank, honey, so they have to drive past a mound Read More
When I was a child, I thought grown-ups didn’t really sleep – that they just rested in bed with their eyes closed. My evidence was the fact that when I approached my mom in the middle of the night, all I had to do was whisper her name and she’d be instantly, groggily awake. I Read More
Dr. Dee has suggested we have a home visit from a therapist to determine how we’re ruining possibly improperly handling the Pterodactyl’s tantrums. Okay, that’s fine. We have nothing to hide. Except, you know, the abundance of scissors, glue sticks, and gummi worms. Also, dog hair. But come at your own risk, Supernanny. This here’s Read More
My children love to go to the gas station, and it’s my parental ace-in-the-hole. “Guys, if you let Mom take a nap, I’ll take you to the gas station.” “YEAH!! OF COURSE, MOM, WE’LL BE SO, SO QUIET.” “Okay, we need to run some errands – I’ll take you to the gas station first.” “WHERE Read More
Every morning at the Tyrant’s preschool, the kids have a question to answer as they walk in the room, like What do you want to be when you grow up? (mermaid) or What’s your favorite food? (Velveeta). This morning’s question: Would you like to be president? And the Tyrant’s all UH, NO-OH! DUH! BORING! But I felt my Read More
It has become difficult to be a good conversationalist with people who read my blog. Inevitably I’m interrupted with, “Yeah, I read that on your blog,” which makes me feel all narcissistic and lame, like I only have one thing to say and I’ve already said it, so I should just shut the flux up. Read More
It has been nearly three weeks since my mother’s visit, and I’m happy to report that, in accordance with her rules, I have maintained order in my house. Amount of piled-up laundry? NONE. Number of cluttered countertops? ZERO. Number of teaspoons? ZERO. Wait. That’s another story. And get this: I LOVE DOING MY CHORES EVERY Read More
The My Left Hook family regrets to announce the death of Bluey the Betta Fish, who may have suffocated to death in his own fecespassed away sometime over the past week or so this morning after a hellaciously dismal existence marked by dirty water, food shortages, the threat of foreign objects and occasional evaporation. long Read More
When the Diva was a toddler, she invented alter egos for the two of us as children’s librarians, modeled after our actual local librarians. She was Miss Lisa, the cool one with the nose ring. I was Miss Marcia, the mousy blonde who wore khakis. At first, we played library games. Then I became Miss Read More
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