REMINDER: The questions posed in this occasional column are written by actual people. Dear Savvy Sister, I finished my novel last year and a junior agent read it. She said it was “pretty” and suggested that I rewrite the whole thing and add a plot. Sigh. So I spent the last year studying the elements Read More
Most nights, I let my kids watch the evening news. This is partly because I want to watch it and they just won’t go away. But also, I like exposing them to death and destruction so they’ll appreciate the fact that I keep them breathing every day. Earlier this week, a story aired about a Read More
On several occasions in the not-too-distant past, I visited a local abortion clinic to pee in a cup. It was always in the wake of an artificial insemination, and I was desperate to be pregnant. There I sat in the waiting room with a bevy of young women, most of them bleary-eyed and resigned, waiting Read More
The day after Easter, the Diva asked, “Mom, if I gave up something for Lent, what do you think it should be?“ I explained that she would have to think of something she would miss, something that means a lot to her, like candy or YouTube. “I think I would give up noodles,” she mused. Read More
After we watched The Lorax the other day, we stopped at the theater’s line of gumball machines. Because that’s what we do. The Pterodactyl used his quarters to buy/win the tiniest cross ever on a piece of black thread, and he gave it to me. I’ve been wearing it ever since. I love it. “Aren’t Read More
Today is All Saints Day. Catholics of my generation also knew it as NO SCHOOL! Day, because it is a Holy Day of Obligation and you should be busy going to church and visiting deceased people in the cemetery. There will be no church-going for my crew. This morning I woke them from their candy Read More
The Diva and I went shopping yesterday as the final installment of her epic 4-day 10th birthday extravaganza. The last time we went shopping together, Hot Firefighter Husband interrupted us by calling to say he’d had an accident involving a BLANK and was in the hospital. This time he called to say he was at Read More
The Causeway linking metropolitan New Orleans and the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain is the longest bridge in the world (see note). NOTE: It is actually the longest bridge over water in the world (see note #2). NOTE #2: It is actually the longest bridge over a continuous body of water in the world (THANKS Read More
Occasionally, I drink too much. In the old days, that meant consuming three beers in four seconds flat using a beer bong, or playing quarters (CHAMPION NOSE HERE)!, or drinking jungle juice mixed in a garbage can. But now I’m older and wiser and my Voice of Maturity says, “IF YOU HAVE A FOURTH GLASS Read More
On a recent night, I was getting ready for bed when the Diva came in to ask me a question. The Diva doesn’t seem to sleep as much as me, and I steeled myself for one of her usual fabrications meant to prolong the evening: Mom, I have an itch on my foot. My neck Read More
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