Now that the Diva is 11, she throws psychological grenades at me constantly. What religion am I? Should I have a boyfriend? Can I shave? What’s for dinner? Seriously? How am I supposed to know all that? And it’s not like I can just turn up the music. Sometimes we’re not even in the car. Read More
I have no idea what I was doing 11 years ago last Sunday. Probably watching a Lifetime movie, or taking the dog to the beach. But half a planet away, in the small Vietnamese province of Bac Giang, a black-haired baby girl slid into the world weighing six miraculous pounds. Nguyen Minh Phuong – The Read More
Most nights, I let my kids watch the evening news. This is partly because I want to watch it and they just won’t go away. But also, I like exposing them to death and destruction so they’ll appreciate the fact that I keep them breathing every day. Earlier this week, a story aired about a Read More
We came home from The Cruise to an immaculate house. But my children descend on a space like a tropical storm. So by yesterday I was picking up branches and mopping up water. Seriously, they do the same kind of damage. As I straightened the kitchen, I started washing a measuring cup that was full Read More
For years, when people said to me – OFTEN – Oh, they grow up so fast! I responded with, Really? Because I’m not finding that. I mean, my days are usually three months long. Yesterday started with a physical altercation over a Nintendo and a stinky unbathed tear-streaked boy stomping up the bus steps, and Read More
Hot Firefighter Husband and I dressed as escaped convicts for a Halloween party, and part of Husband’s costume was a fake tattoo of a naked burlesque lady on his arm. The Pterodactyl’s first grade class thought it was super cool! Because guess who forgot to wash it off before going to the boy’s fall party? Read More
The Diva and I went shopping yesterday as the final installment of her epic 4-day 10th birthday extravaganza. The last time we went shopping together, Hot Firefighter Husband interrupted us by calling to say he’d had an accident involving a BLANK and was in the hospital. This time he called to say he was at Read More
On December 12, 2001, I received notice that my life had changed forever. I had a daughter. She was 9,000 miles away in Bac Giang, Vietnam. The Diva had been born on this day, October 21, and was not quite two months old. Her birth name was Minh Phuong, and she was waiting for me. Read More
One day when I was around 8 years old, I hopped into my dad’s giant Chevrolet, which was parked in the driveway. I bounced up and down, turning the steering wheel this way and that, pretending I was cruising. Then I grabbed the gear shift and pulled it into reverse. That’s how old I am. Read More
The Diva asked me last week for a YOU-KNOW-WHAT, and I’m all WHAT! You weigh like 50 pounds! You have nothing for the YOU-KNOW-WHAT to CUP! But I didn’t say that, of course, because this was a very tender moment in which she’s essentially asking me to help her grow up. Instead, I swallowed the Read More
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