After we watched The Lorax the other day, we stopped at the theater’s line of gumball machines. Because that’s what we do.

The Pterodactyl used his quarters to buy/win the tiniest cross ever on a piece of black thread, and he gave it to me. I’ve been wearing it ever since. I love it.

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll melt?” asked my friend Eeeee. HAHAHA! She’s hilarious. Listen, people, just because I don’t go to church does not mean I have horns.

“Christians don’t OWN the cross,” I said. Eye-rolling ensued. But I’m correct on this one. The cross existed long before Christianity, probably because it’s not really that complicated a symbol. The Tao cross was first used by ancient Egyptians. And crosses were occasionally used to decorate images of Greek and Roman deities. It was a PAGAN symbol!

I love crosses! They make me feel happy inside! Perhaps the God of my Catholic youth still harbors a tiny vacation home in a corner of my soul. Or maybe they’re just an excellent accessory.

You know what else I love? Fish. I even thought of getting a rudimentary fish for my next tattoo. “Like a Jesus fish?” asked my trainer, Son of Sam.

No, no, no. Christians may not have the fish. The fish belongs to the world, okay? And Jews? Please share the star.

Mormons, you can try to monopolize the image of a man blowing a trumpet, but as a New Orleans native, let me just say, good luck with that.

The Buddhists use a conch shell as one of their great symbols. But they don’t claim it! I have a conch shell right here next to me as I write! That doesn’t mean I’m a Buddhist. Although I like Buddha quite a bit. I would like to put a little Buddha statue in our front yard, but Hot Firefighter Husband is afraid the neighbors would FUH-REAK! Wait till I put up my Obama sign. Heeheehee! Seriously, people, we’re like pioneers in this place.

So anyway, I’m still wearing the tiny cross, and I haven’t melted, and maybe it’s a coincidence, but I’ve suddenly remembered the words to the Glory Be, which was always my favorite prayer because it’s the shortest. Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and every shall be, world without end. Amen. BOO-yah!