See this picture? That’s what I was doing last night while Hot Firefighter Husband was watching the Nancy Drew movie starring Emma Roberts with the kids. Because he is home being my wife while I am in NEW YORK CITY BEING A FAMOUS UP AND COMING WRITER! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?

Okay, I’m actually just impersonating a famous up and coming writer. But I’m living the fantasy, man. At this moment I am in a swanky Manhattan apartment drinking coffee and writing. I might light up a cigarette just for effect. I even have a teeny weeny hangover nibbling at my temple, which makes me, like, totally authentic.

For the past two days I have been at the BlogHer conference. It’s (duh) a conference for (duh-duh) women who blog. And I, in fact, am a woman, and I blog.

It has been slightly affirming to be here with other women who do what I do, particularly the women who, like me, make little or no money from it, and have trouble explaining why they stick with it. It’s difficult enough to tell people that you’re a writer, which is tantamount to saying your unemployed. When you tell people you blog, it’s sort of like saying, “I am an unemployed writer, and I am so desperate to have people read my stuff that I’m putting it online and begging people to give me some attention.” But that’s not it! Really! Okay, it’s a little bit that.

Mostly, though, particularly if you’re a writer at heart, meaning you find yourself fitting words together while you’re taking a shower or engaging in foreplay, it’s a way to force yourself to chronicle your life and exercise your creativity muscle on a regular basis.

And speaking of foreplay, listen to this! One of the conference sessions was entitled, “Bringing Sex Out of the Closet.” The other session at that time was “Good Blog Design,” and that’s the one that Husband had circled for me. Yawn. Plus it was soooo crowded in that room. Or I imagined it would be.

So I went to the sex talk. The panel included a soccer mom type who writes under the name the Mominatrix; a lesbian mom who does a sex-talk radio show with her fiance; a BDSM expert in an open marriage; a gorgeous young writer oozing so much sex appeal she might have been having an orgasm while on stage; and a sociologist and self-described sexpot. BDSM, by the way, stands for bondage – domination – sadism – masochism. No, I didn’t know either.

So it was interesting! Titillating! Might have made me feel a little inadequate!

But the super-interesting part was that everyone in the audience received a goody bag donated by edenfantasys, which has nothing to do with the Eden of the Old Testament.

Here is the list of stuff that was in the bag:
- a Sensual Glass Vibrator
- a Finger King
- two lubricant samples
- an “oral delight gel” called GoodHead
- an issue of BUST magazine
- a sticker with a cat on it

Have I mentioned that I might start doing product reviews on my blog?

Now, now, don’t faint or anything, because Hot Firefighter Husband and I aren’t scheduled for a conjugal visit until, like, 2012. Although with all of this stuff, who needs him?

Okay, I’m joking. I hereby promise that I will not do a product review of a vibrator.

The point is….what was the point? Oh. Right. I’m in NEW YORK CITY BEING A FAMOUS UP AND COMING WRITER! And Hot Damn! I got me a vibrator.