Life behind bars. I mean, gates. Flimsy security arms, really.
The other morning as I walked my kids to the bus stop, a neighbor warned me that a possum had been hit by a car and was grossly squashed in the street.
“Oh, no problem!” I said. “My kids are fine with gross stuff.”
But then we arrived at the bus stop and saw that the possum was STILL ALIVE. It was in its death throes, trying to drag itself out of the street with its one functioning paw. Its pointy little possum face was all contorted in either pain or brokenness.
For a full five minutes, we watched this gruesome scene. What could I do? I thought about bonking it into unconsciousness, but the kids wouldn’t like that. My son was slack-jawed. Finally the bus came, the kids went to school, and I walked home. Poor possum.
I thought the incident was over. But the next morning when we arrived at the bus stop, the Pterodactyl said, “Look! The bloodstain’s still there!” Which it was.
And yesterday morning: “There’s the bloodstain. That was so sad.” So yes, the incident is over, except for the searing psychological damage it inflicted on my family. Also, I’m slightly afraid the boy’s going to come home with a possum one day.
The whole ghastly thing reminded me that LIFE STILL HAPPENS in this insulated gated community, despite the best efforts of many residents to whitewash the very personalities of people who live here. People die, animals die, trauma and drama occur. People break the law. Kids grow up damaged and needy, adults fall victim to addiction. Surprise!
In this week’s Folio Weekly, I wrote a guest editorial about the topic. You can read it right here. While you’re contemplating my extremely valid points, I’m going to be busy putting up a rope swing in my front yard. You know why? Partly because I’ve always wanted a rope swing. And partly because IT’S NOT ALLOWED.
BOO-yah.
I love the act of rebellion. The very thought of nosy neighbors being able to dictate every aspect of your life in your own home based on a handful of folks visual aesthetics is so annoying. Can’t put up a rope swing (for your children’s play); can’t put up an outdoor clothesline (for the environment and your personal enjoyment of the lovely odor of sheets hung on the line to dry). On and one it goes. If you need representation in front of your HOA, give me a call!
Oooh, that’s a thought! Thanks, Deborah!!
just because i am who I am, I have to add: death throes (not throws)…
Plus I hate possums. But that sounds like a sad and grisly scene. Maybe he was making a statement on the gated community?
OH MY GOD!! Mortified, I am, Valle. Edited immediately. Yes, possums aren’t that cute at all. xo
Does the HOA allow you to put a sign that says f off I pay the fn mortgage???
Hmm. I haven’t tried that, Amber. Good thought! I’ll put it on my to-do list!
Put up– damn it!!!!
Excellent folio article! Go for the swing! I do have one in my Palm Valley front yard and my neighbors property values are more likely higher than your neighbors’ and your lovely HOA President! I liked the whole gated community idea for a long time, then I moved into the Valley and I’ll never go back! Besides, my Doberman works better than any gate…Love you!
No one forced you to move to a gated community like Sawgrass. – or to Ponte Vedra Beach for that matter. And – if you dislike the concept of HOAs (some people do – to each his own IMO) – there are quite a few houses in Ponte Vedra Beach/Ponte Vedra/Palm Valley that are not in HOAs.. Also – you knew the rules (or at least signed a piece of paper that said you read them) before you closed on your house. So you knew what you were getting into.
I don’t live in Sawgrass (I live across the road in Marsh Landing). And if Sawgrass works anything like Marsh Landing – your “act of rebellion” (assuming whatever you do violates rules in Sawgrass) will result in your being invited to attend at least one hearing – and you’ll be fined. If you don’t pay the fine – your HOA can sue you – and collect attorneys’ fees if it prevails in the lawsuit.
I don’t know whether or not Deborah is a Florida lawyer (I am – albeit retired) – and most HOA rules are perfectly valid and enforceable (we’re not talking about your right to fly an American flag here – just some supposed right to have your yard look like a mess).
You claimed in your Folio piece that you had better things to do with your time. But apparently you have enough time on your hands to write a blog like this. Also – you haven’t claimed financial hardship in terms of hiring professionals to do things. And – you and your husband seem to be relatively young and in very good physical shape. You also have 3 children who are getting to the age where they can do simple yard chores – like picking up pine cones and raking leaves.
My husband and I are in our mid-60′s – have about an acre of land – and still try to do what we can in terms of yard maintenance for exercise (we are slowing down as we age – and hire professionals to do things we are no longer able to do). And – these days – when our rules committee has cases – a lot involve financial hardship (everything from foreclosures as a result of lost jobs to women struggling to maintain their houses when their husbands divorce them – leaving them with the house and the kids). You should knock wood you don’t have problems like this. You are just trying to be a PITA for the sake of being a PITA. And I have absolutely no sympathy for your POV.
Thanks for reading, Robyn. You’re right, no one forced me to live in this place. And certainly I’m aware that there are bigger problems on which we should be focused. That, in fact, is precisely my point. Does PITA stand for Pain In The Ass? GUILTY!!
If Sawgrass works like Marsh Landing – the CVHC (covenant violation hearing committee) is a group of volunteer homeowners who hear complaints (they don’t write the rules – they don’t file the complaints – they just hear the cases and make decisions). So – to make a point – you’re doing things that will cause your neighbors to file complaints – and waste the time of committee members who – we will agree – have better things to do than deal with your intentional rules violations (if you are in fact violating Sawgrass rules – I have no idea what the rules in Sawgrass are).
BTW – what *is* the point you’re trying to make? If any committee in Sawgrass is like the committee in Marsh Landing – and you violate a rule (or someone claims you violated a rule) – they’ll probably have pictures to show any alleged violation (or the lack of one) – ask you whether you did this – that or the other thing – and that’s that. They won’t allow you to bend their ears with your philosophical points of view. They’ll just want information which will allow them to decide whether or not a rule has been violated.
It’s really kind of a silly thing for a grown-up person to do. Who knows? Perhaps some day you’ll have a rules violation complaint – perhaps an unleashed dog running around and threatening your kids. And you will have to rely on the people you’re thumbing your nose at now to take action to protect your kids.
BTW – I assume you have never been accused of any rules violations in Sawgrass. Am I correct? So what you’re objecting to are things like a HOA newsletter reminding people about spring clean-up and the like – yes? Again – this sounds silly to me.
Also – I had to laugh reading about your leaving all the kids’ junk on the front lawn. We are having semi-drought conditions now – and can only water twice a week. So if your irrigation system is watering your kids’ junk instead of your lawn – you may wind up screwing up part of your lawn.- while rusting out some of your kids’ junk – and having to replace both! Again – seems kind of silly to me. Sometimes I forget to move something like a wheel barrow from our back yard before watering day – so the wheel barrow is watered instead of the plants – and I say sh** – what a waste of water.
Robyn, I think we will have to agree to disagree here. I’m not intentionally thumbing my nose at anyone here, or breaking any hard and fast rules. My property is well-maintained and attractive. My *point* is that people are different. They have different tastes and different likes. Some of them like birdbaths, and some of them wear hoodies. And we should not be trying to drum them into an arbitrary version of normal.
Tricia,
I have to say…I love that you got someone’s PIAW (that’s panties in a wad). Good times. So glad I came back for a review of the comments. You rock.
xo
Interesting conversation here. I think Robyn makes some good points, in that of course you know what you’re getting into when you move to one of these communities. But that doesn’t mean you don’t chafe at the restrictions once the reality sets in.
The whole gated community thing seems to me to be borne of fear. Fear of the outside, fear of change, fear of difference. It’s probably not an overt thing — the overt thing is probably “safety”. We want our kids to be safe. That’s natural.
Then you move in and you realize that this set up doesn’t have room for even the slightest bit of non-conformity, and then the rules suddenly feel just like what they are — limits and restrictions — on your personality, values, creativity, individuality.
Personally, I think they are bad for the soul, and only one as strong as Tricia could survive intact. And every Sawgrass needs a Tricia — to push the boundaries, question the assumptions, make it safe for people with different backgrounds and values. Otherwise everyone’s world gets smaller and smaller and Treyvon Martin will not be an anomaly.
Okay, Valle, with your support, I’ll be that person. Bring it, HOA. xo